Q: What do you call a beautiful women on the arm of a Vanderbilt fan?
A: A tattoo
Q: How many Vandy sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Eighteen. One to call maintenance, two to watch him do it during the catered lunch, and 15 to make a shirt about the event.
There were three people being executed via electric chair for committing a serious crime. One was an Alabama graduate, one a Vanderbilt graduate, and the other, an Auburn graduate. They were told that if they could survive, they could go free. The Alabama guy sat in the electric chair, and the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" The Alabama guy said, "Yeah. Roll Tide!". The executioner pushed the button, but the Alabama guy survived so he got to go free. The Vanderbilt guy sat in the electric chair, and the executioner asked him if he had any last words. He said, "Yeah. Go Vandy!" The executioner pushed the button, but the Vanderbilt guy survived so he got to go free. The Auburn guy now went to the electric chair, and again the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" The Auburn guy said, "Yeah. Your electric chair is unplugged."
Why God never got a PhD from Vanderbilt:
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
17. No record of working well with colleagues
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: a Tennessee, a Vanderbilt grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Fighting Irish!" as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Gators!"
Seeing this, the Vanderbilt grad walked over and shouted "This is for the Commodores!" and pushed the Volunteers fan off the side of the mountain.
One day in an elementary school in Knoxville, TN, a teacher asks her class if the Tennessee Volunteers are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Vanderbilt Commodores "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Commodore fan, my mom is a Commodore fan, I guess that makes me a Commodore fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Tennessee fan."
One foggy night, a Vanderbilt fan and a Tennessee fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Nashville. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Tennessee fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Commodore fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Tennessee fan walks over to the Commodore fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Commodore fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Commodore fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Volunteer fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Volunteer fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Volunteer fan hands it back to the Commodore fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Commodore fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Q: How do you make Vanderbilt University cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
How many Vanderbilt students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two -- one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.